I don’t know if you guys watched Conan Friday, but you should’ve, because he did the string dance, made fun of NBC, did his Leno impression, jumped on his desk, made fun of LaBamba’s moustache and hosted a very funny interview with up and comer Aziz Ansari. (“I almost slept on that sheet!”)
Where has this guy been? I sort of miss Late Night Conan. Tonight Show Conan is different. I know he can’t stay the same forever, but I think this new, Tonight Show Conan who was in full-on “Fuck it!” mode is my favourite Conan. So much so that I kind of hope he stays with the network and spends every night from now until his contract is up being a bitter, bitter pain in NBC’s asshole.
Of course, this likely isn’t going to happen. Because Conan is classy and funny and hopefully won’t let it get to him. I promise to stop talking about this soon. But first. I need to address this. I’m going to explode if I don’t.
The New York Post says Conan is contemplating leaving the network. (Duh.) But that’s not the best (worst?) part of that story. The Post has Seinfeld stepping into the fray. Because that’s all Jerry Seinfeld is good for nowadays: Trying (and failing) to prop up his hacky friends.
Comedy legend — and close Leno pal — Jerry Seinfeld took the side of NBC and Leno.
“What did the network do to Conan? I don’t think anyone’s preventing people from watching Conan,” he said during an appearance to hype his new NBC show, The Marriage Ref.
Congrats, Jerry. Spoken like a true douche who is promoting a TERRIBLE show.
I know Jerry’s got to pat the network on its head and all so they’ll put his shitty show on the air (and really, The Marriage Ref sounds like terrible TV), but what the ever-loving fuck is he talking about?
NBC execs are the authors of their own demise and the fact that they’re putting your new show on the air proves it.
The network that once gave groundbreaking comics like Seinfeld and O’Brien airtime has been reduced to handing giant aging baby Jay Leno a pacifier and being unbelievably shitty to Conan, who for the last 15+ years, has done NOTHING but work his pale, Irish ass off to grow their target demographic of 18-35-year-old viewers. They repaid that hard work by scheduling Leno as his lead in. Then, when that failed, they decided to celebrate Leno’s slide in the ratings, by giving him back his original timeslot, telling Conan he’ll do his show at 12:05 and like it, and capping off their brilliance by putting a show called The Marriage Ref on the air.
You better work, Seinfeld. Because I think you’re going to have to hustle to get people to watch that show. Since it’s apparently entirely up to the performer to get ratings and not the network.
WHATEVER. I’m sure Jerry and Jay will laff it up later in their neighbouring airplane hangars filled with cars. “A Duesenberg over a Porsche!? Oh, that’s a hot one! Why I haven’t laughed so hard since I schemed to buy my 150th classic car off a dying old man!”
Boob Tube 
The worst part:
“I hope Conan stays, I think he’s terrific. But there’s no rules in show business, there’s no refs.”
Unlike on my new show The Marriage Ref. Catch it on NBC! Bee Movie!
BTW, has anyone circled the drain faster than Jerry Seinfeld? Going from legendary TV Show to the very picture of a hacky company man? Don’t forget to cup the balls and work the shaft, Jer.
Jerry is like the big, dumb bully’s smarter friend who comes in after the beating’s been administered to get in a few cheap shots of his own.
I mean, really, does Leno need Seinfeld’s help here? HARDLY! He is getting EXACTLY what he wants. He gets to continue making shitty jokes and reading newspaper headlines until his entire audience dies of old age and Conan gets to watch him.
Bee Movie Two: Two Bee or Not Two Bee? (Not to bee, I hope)