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Category Archives: TV News

Ratings surge for Conan

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Whoops! Could there be anything more personally satisfying than trouncing your newfound enemy in the ratings almost immediately after one of his big-wig pals calls you an astounding failure?

I really would like Conan to have Norm MacDonald on his show. They could talk about how various NBC executives have told them that they are unfunny losers right after firing them.

Speaking of Norm, he warned Conan this would happen.

Soooo… what’s new, NBC?

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Nothing? Yeah.

If I have said it once, I have said it a million, billion times. There is not enough Law & Order on television.

And YOU KNOW how much we value Jerry Seinfeld’s contribution to pop culture and the idea that there are no refs in real life. Unlike on his new show, The Marriage Reg, which will air in the place of Leno’s show when it’s finally dragged out into an alley and shot.

Really, what NBC should do is combine these two ideas into one show. Law & Order: What’s the Deal With All These Rapes?

You are welcome, NBC. It’s the least we can do as we watch you decimate a once-proud TV institution with genius programming ideas like “MORE LAW & ORDER!” Somebody get these guys the Nobel Prize for TV Programming!

Oh, and NBC will also fill the time with another semi-reality show thing hosted by a former NBC star: Lisa Kudrow’s,Who Do You Think You Are?, a show that traces the genealogy of celebrities.

This isn’t harsh at all, considering that Lisa Kudrow is also — bum-bum-bum! — Conan’s ex!

In other non-Late Night feud news, can somebody please explain to me how this show Past Life, is being made, but Dollhouse is cancelled?

DR. KATE MCGINN (Kelli Giddish) is not your typical psychologist. Confident, outspoken and highly educated, she works at The Talmadge Center for Behavioral Health in New York City, a world-renowned institute dedicated to the study of the science of the soul. After experiencing a past-life regression in her 20s, Kate became a believer in reincarnation. Using therapy and her natural gift for reading people, Kate helps solve the mysteries of her troubled clients by investigating their consciousness. She believes there are levels of consciousness and explanations for human behavior that science can’t begin to explain. Accustomed to skeptics, but not bothered by them, Kate is an unapologetic believer and a force of nature who marches to the beat of her own drum.

Her partner, PRICE WHATLEY (Nicholas Bishop), is a different story. A former NYPD homicide detective, pragmatic and cynical, Price is a damaged soul who constantly battles grief and guilt over the accidental death of his wife. Price feels that Kate, though not certifiable, certainly operates on the fringes of science. It’s a volatile relationship, but with Price’s solid detective skills and Kate’s penchant for out-of-the-box thinking, together they make a formidable, albeit somewhat dysfunctional, team.

An emotional thrill ride, each episode finds Price and Kate working with their colleagues to unravel a new mystery. DR. MALACHI TALMADGE (Richard Schiff) is Kate’s mentor and the center’s namesake, an avuncular but gruff elder statesman who is a legend in the field of cognitive research. DR. RISHI KARNA (Ravi Patel) is the rookie of the group, an energetic M.D. who loves bad TV, Cuban jazz and driving everyone crazy.

I mean, this is basically an episode of The X-Fringe (TM Salome) stretched into a series. Except that Dr. Rishi Karna sounds like he is auditioning to be my best friend. He loves bad TV! So he will love this show!

I know everybody is entertaining the idea of loving Fox because they appear to be waiting eagerly for Conan to be free to do a late night show for them, but I gotta say, I don’t trust a network that can’t figure out how to promote a show that’s basically “hot, fightin’ chicks are hot now.”

Beware, Conan. Fox has ruined men like yourself.

Tonight Show For Sale. Deep Crows not included.

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It’s official. Stick a fork in Conan. He’s done.

And as his last order of business, he’s putting The Tonight Show up for sale on Craigslist.

We have some money saved. So we’re going to buy it.

Our guest every night will be Conan. And then we’ll have him interview other people, do some funny bits with Andy and Max and the studio audience.

Ultimately, we feel The Tonight Show will be a good place for us to stay while we have the missile silo renovated.

This is all very sad. I am sad. I hope you will join me in following Conan wherever he goes next. I don’t want to tell you not to watch Jay Leno’s show that will go on the air at 11:35, which he is reportedly going to call The Tonight Show.

Gross.

I bet his first guest will be Jerry Seinfeld.

Double gross.

Whoa! That was offside! Too bad there are no refs in real life! Unlike on Jerry Seinfeld’s show, The Marriage Ref.

Triple gross.

OK. I’m going to go dream of this happening.

Being American: I Object!

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On the heels of my last post, I find out via ONTD that there are apparently plans to make an American version of Being Human. How about no. We already have at least 2 shows on television where vampires (for one) figure in, not to mention the other shows that deal with vampires and other supernaturals. Bad idea jeans all around.

Here’s my favorite scene from season one, btw–it’s definitely a spoiler, as you will find out how Annie died.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have Gilbert fun.

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The Vampire Diaries: Flashing Fights.

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Aaaand right on the heels of the pilot’s premiere comes the news that four cast members of The Vampire Diaries were arrested for disorderly conduct in Forsyth, GA, for “flashing motorists from a bridge.”

Stars, they’re just like us!

Apollo On The Air.

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As today is the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 lunar landing, NASA TV will broadcast a talk at 9:30AM EST with several former Apollo astronauts, including Buzz Aldrin and Jim Lovell. You can watch it live at NASA.com.

Buzz Aldrin on the surface of the moon, as photographed by Neil Armstrong.

Buzz Aldrin on the surface of the moon, as photographed by Neil Armstrong.

It’s do-o’-clock. Let’s ride.

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Here’s a little truth nugget for you: Neil Patrick Harris is Boob Tube’s number one gay celebrity we all have a crush on.

WWNPHD?

WWNPHD?

He is truly a magnificent bastard as the scene-stealing man whore Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother.

His sense of humour is legend-wait for it-dary, as we can attest from repeated viewings of both Harold and Kumar movies.

He made us laugh and cry as Dr. Horrible in Joss Whedon’s web show Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog.

And who knew that Doogie Howser would grow up to be sooooooooo good lookin’? Well, me. Circa 1991.

Speaking as a female, I just want to say, Neil? Are you SURE you’re gay? Like, positive? OK. Just checking. If you change your mind, we are all available. Ahem.

ANYWAY.

According to my hated nemesis Ausiello, Harris will be hosting the Emmys this year. Thank you, baby Jesus!

While we are dedicated blogging professionals who watch the Emmys every year no matter who hosts, this is almost certainly a guarantee that we will ENJOY the broadcast for the first time since Conan hosted.

We will ESPECIALLY enjoy it if NPH can arrange a repeat of Brett Michaels being knocked out by a stage prop like at the Tonys. Man, you really can’t see enough of that, so here it is in slow-mo with some commentary by NPH at the end.

Please, Jon and Kate Plus Perez, don’t be idiots! Thank you!

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It pains me to have to do this immediately after a post about the inimitable Ed McMahon, but… it really can’t be avoided.

In today’s installment of Please, don’t be an idiot! Thank you!, the special feature we use to tell celebrities to shut their face holes, we bring you a special two for one deal.

But first!

Andre Braugher: The Patron Saint of Please Don't Be An Idiot. Thank You.

Andre Braugher: The Patron Saint of Please Don't Be An Idiot! Thank You!

Did you know that the phrase “Please don’t be an idiot! Thank you!” originated with TV’s Frank Pembleton? It’s true!

Homicide: Life on the Streets was The Best Damn Show On Television. And on this magnificent cop show, Frank’s partner, Tim Bayliss, was always frustrated that Frank was not more respectful of their partnership. “You never say please. You never say thank you!” he once opined. Frank stared at him for a moment before snapping “Please don’t be an idiot. Thank you.”

Well, the man who played Frank Pembleton to perfection for seven seasons on Homicide is going to be on your TV again in the fall. Andre Braugher will be playing the doctor in charge of Dr. House’s recovery in a mental institution next season on House. As far as awards and television gravitas  go, Hugh Laurie and Braugher are pretty evenly matched, so that should be some good TV.

Now! On to the main event!

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The best TV? More like THE WORST!

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The Television Critics Association has picked the best TV from the past decade for Daily Variety and at least one of their choices is so stupid that I don’t even know what to say.

Oh, wait. Yes I do. Here’s what I want to say about Lost being included as one of the best shows of the last decade. Ready?

“Ugh.”

Time will tell that the idea that Lost a good show (one of the greatest shows of the last decade, if you believe what you read) is one of the greatest myths perpetrated by the television industry. GOD, I hate this show so much! It is BALLS. It is THE WORST! Stop watching it! Stop saying it’s good! It was good for ONE SEASON! By that logic, Veronica Mars should be on this list and Freaks and Geeks should be the KING of this list!

At least this list recognizes (it better recognize, yo) that The Wire is great. In fact, it’s going to stay the course to become one of the best TV shows of all time, not just the last decade. It is head and shoulders above every other show in its category except maybe The Sopranos. So suck on that, Matthew Fox, because you are the worst thing about a show that is THE WORST. You know what’s interesting about you? NOTHING. I tell you this: I would pay cash money to watch Jack Shephard get beaten to a bloody pulp by Al Swearengen, Kara Thrace and Buffy Summers. Dexter could hide the body. That would be a good hour or two of TV right there.

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That’s All, Folks: Cancelled Shows.

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Yahoo has a slideshow roundup of the shows that won’t be coming back this fall.

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