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XOXO, Golden Episode.

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I held off on doing my Golden Moment for week before last because I had so much trouble picking a single moment from the episode. Then I saw last week’s episode and compounded my problem. So, because I wear the pink around here, I’m not doing a Golden Moment. I’m doing a Golden Episode! Oh yeah, I am.

My Golden Episode is “All About My Brother,” the 16th episode of Gossip Girl’s first season, aka OMFG BEST EPISODE EVER. What, you’d like a second opinion? Well, ask Entertainment Weekly. Or New York. Or Gawker. But DO NOT, under any circumstances, click those links unless you want to be spoiled. I mean it. In fact, from here on out, it’s The Chronic 2 plot details will be discussed.

Some of you might be thinking, what’s the big deal? Eric van der Woodsen comes out. It was all over the gossip columns and hey, just check out the episode title. As it turns out, his coming out was a great idea since everyone was expecting that revelation. It made it that much better when the last scene came. To quote NY:

…we were actually surprised. Not even in the Forgetting Sarah Marshall “I can’t believe they actually showed that even though I was totally anticipating it” kind of surprise. We mean genuine astonishment. Like, we shrieked “WHAT” so loud and high-pitched that for the first time, the 8-year-olds with the iron shoes who live a floor above us shook their fists in our direction and screamed “fucking kids!”

OMG so good. But first, Eric. Most viewers, of course, had an idea about Eric, but the storyline about Asher was kind of surprising. What wasn’t surprising was that someone like A would go to such lengths to cover up his sexuality. Especially when the initial reaction from a parent is likely to be like this:

Of course, in a later lovely moment, Lily and Eric are able to talk about it–I loved that she told him how scared she was–and it’s understood that she just wants him to be protected. Of course, as we’ve already seen, he’s doing a pretty damn good job of that himself:

And so is Connor Paolo, for that matter. I’m glad they gave him more to work with. You may have noticed that his sister is curiously absent from that scene and was she not invited? Because that would be weird. Her boyfriend is Jenny’s brother, after all. But of course, Serena is busy trying to dodge her old friend Georgina. When G is out of sight, it’s easy for S to keep her out of mind and that’s what bitches like Georgina really hate. So Ms. Sparks ups the ante and sends her a flash drive. That bitch! Doesn’t she know Serena’s ports are full? [That’s what she said.]

From the sound of the video, I assumed all manner of unholiness transpired. I actually thought there was another girl there–a third girl–because I didn’t realize that was Georgina speaking when she said the second line (about Serena going down). So I was like, Lord help, S–what kind of group shenanigans did you get into? I think that was obviously the conclusion we were supposed to draw from hearing the video, even those of us whose ears work properly. So when Serena showed up at B’s looking like someone had died, it was a little startling. Blair was fresh from her inevitable trouncing of little J–I mean, come ON! Step to Blair, get burnt like toast–and when she quickly realized something was very wrong with her best friend, she reached out to her. It was not the usual Blair we see, but it was a nice callback to the scene at the airport in “The Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate,” when Serena convinced Blair to stay in New York. (And bonus points for actually referring to that scene earlier in this episode!) Then again, it’s not that out of character for Blair–she’s a fixer, so trying to help would be instinctual. And also, she knows that whole incident in the bar at the Shepherds’ wedding so she was probably figuring that whatever she was about to hear couldn’t be worse than that. But she was wrong.

!!!! I think the general audience reaction is best summed up in this comment from Gawker, “My buddy shrieked and threw a wine glass against the wall upon hearing the confession.” When my heart started beating again after I saw this episode, I realized that one thing keeps it from being perfect and that is the absence of Chuck. Thankfully, they made up for that with several great scenes with him in the 17th episode, “Woman on the Verge.” Overall, that episode was a disappointment and very anticlimactic, as it turned out that what everyone hoped did not happen totally did happen. Boo-urns.

And I know some people don’t like storylines about the parents–I’m ambivalent–but I did like the scene with Rufus and Lily during Lincoln Hawk’s performance.

Awww. And of course, there was Chuck.

And I’m totally psyched about tonight’s season finale. Check back tonight for my thoughts, although I can’t guarantee they’ll be more articulate than “OMG” or “What?!” Y’all come back now, ya hear?


About Salome G

Raised by werewolves.

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