Michael Ausiello, you magnificent bastard.
I hate you and love you all at once.
In the grand tradition of the Internets, Boob Tube is passing along the spoilers because we a) are nosy Nellies b) have nothing better to do c) hate all that is good and pure in the world, including your favourite show d) are hilarious bitches.
The spoilers come from Boob Tube’s absolute favourite Guilty Pleasure, Ghost Whisperer. Trust us when we say there’s no better way to pass a lazy Sunday (or a sad, lonely, pathetic Friday) than to crack open a bottle of Chardonnay and get drizzunk while watching Jennifer Love Hewitt cry over some poor, sad bastard who had the misfortune to pop his clogs in or near Grandview.
Now, before you continue reading this, I must warn you, just so I can say that I did and so I don’t get any angry, irate messages about how life is over, that if you want to be unspoiled for, ahem, Ghost Whisperer, then you should not read on. Got that?
STOP READING NOW IF YOU’RE A PRISSY PRUDE WHO HATES SPOILERS ABOUT GHOST WHISPERER. There. I said that in all caps like a crazy bitch because I am mean. Also, because our RSS feed isn’t working properly, so even if I put this behind a cut (which I will, for all you prissy prudes out there) the RSS posts the whole thing. So. Warnings behind us, let’s away to a land of nightgowns, fake eyelashes and antique stores with magical basements and precious names.
Last month, I was speculating about the big “six people, five shadows” mystery on last season’s finale.
Basically, it ends with Professor Jay Mohr, Melinda, Jim, Melinda’s mother, Delia and not!Ned walking happily out of the bustling town square. Until Professor Mohr looks down at the shadows they’re casting on the street and realizes there are six people and only five shadows. Ruh-roh! So the Internets is fairly buzzing with ideas about who’s shadowless and probably dead.
Then, I ran through the options and decided it was likely Professor Jay Mohr, who’s leaving the show next season. Until his shitty new sitcom (this fall on CBS!) fails. But I was wrong. Or was I?
The person from Ghost Whisperer who will kick it next season is none other than . . .
Jim! Who is apparently Melinda’s husband or something! Because she’s a newlywed! With a husband! I think! I mean, I heard somewhere she was married. I can’t remember where though.
Anyway. You know it’s true, because Ausiello cited multiple unnamed sources instead of just one. God I love blogging. It’s so much easier than real journalism!
So, uh, Jim’s gonna kick it.
Tell me, producers, how, exactly, do you think this is a good idea? When you killed off Andrea, I was like “Well, that’s OK. At least there’s Jim, who is frequently half naked and always muscled.” And if you’d just decided to kill Jim off and keep Professor Jay Mohr on the show, I’d think “Well, at least I still have Bob Sugar. He may not be sexay like ol’ Jimbo, but I can still remember a time when I thought he was at least cute.” But Jay Mohr is leaving too. So.
Now there’s just newly skinny J. Lo. Hew. and still rubenesque, but oh so fabulous Camryn Manheim. Man, I love her. But for reals. I need some male eye candy. Even some non beefcake, I-once-respected-you-and-thought-you-were-funny-and-OK-secretly-hot eye candy would do. But no. I can’t even have that. Instead, I have Jamie Kennedy.
God. CBS, you truly do not know when to stop sucking.
So when this news breaks, I will patiently await two things:
1. The inevitable campaign to “Save Jim” that fans are no doubt organizing as we speak. I wonder what crazy fucking thing they’ll send to CBS execs. Nightgowns, I hope.
2. The changing of the voiceovered title credits from “I’m Melinda Gordon. A newlywed.” to “I’m Melinda Gordon. Newly widowed.”
Have at it, Internet crazies.