So Gawker recently asked: What should be cancelled instead of Pushing Daisies?
That is a very good question. They say that Entourage, Private Practice and The Office should bite it before Pushing Daisies, well, pushes daisies. We agree. Wholeheartedly. Entourage is past its sell-by date, The Office needs to realize there’s a REASON the Brits do, like, three seasons then quit and Private Practice is mostly an excuse to look at Piz without his shirt on.
I can’t believe Gawker neglected to mention the biggest, stupidest, most undeserving show currently on network television:
Lost is a four-letter word around here in more ways than one. Holy God does it suck! Find out why after the jump!
I literally cannot believe how fast this thing went down the crapper. That’s why I’m very happy that J.J. Abrams’ other baby, Fringe, has brought X-Files alum Darin Morgan on board as a consulting producer. Now, when J.J. eventually wanders off to start his next geek project, somebody who knows something about sci-fi will be around to pick up the pieces.
But he has totally and completely abandoned Lost and nobody is in control of this sinking ship island.
First, there are the meandering plots and totally ridiculous twists. It’s a magical island! It’s a corporate island! It’s not an island at all! Who fucking cares? We sank the island! Now it’s back in a different spot! It’s in a hatch! And there’s a frozen donkey wheel at the centre! The numbers! Crazy numbers! They mean something! No they don’t! Polar bear! Smoke monster! French lady! Wheeee! Hippies! Dirty, corporate hippies! Michael’s home! Now he’s gone! Now he’s back! Check out these new people! Oops! They’re dead! Check out these OTHER new people! Now they’re dead! The others! The OTHER others! We’re off the island! Yay! Except we need to get back on the island! It’s imperative! Ghosts! It’s ghosts! No it’s not! IT’S TIME TRAVEL, motherfuckers! The whole island is in a slow child’s snow globe! Whoa, man! Freaky! We totally just blew our own minds!
Then there’s the vast, sprawling cast and their vast, sprawling paycheques. Not to mention the huge amount of money dumped into the promotion of this stinker. Don’t miss this week’s Lost! If you do, you won’t know what you’re missing! What’s in this hatch? Probably nothing, but you never know! Better tune in! It might be Thomas Hobbes! And we’re totally killing somebody off! Or ARE we? No. We totally are. Unless we aren’t! Tune in to find out! Confused? Watch our clips show to help sort all this bullshit out for yourself!
God. I’m exhausted just from typing all that!
Pushing Daisies, while it can be a little formulaic in the “every week’s a whodunnit with quirky characters” sense, at least has recognizable plots that advance and are original and end. Watching Lost is like staring at a mobius strip of insanity. It’s like watching your formerly beloved yellow lab become rabid and not having the guts to take it out back and shoot it. It’s like. . . a really bad TV show that just gets worse and worse with absolutely no idea how to right itself. Yeah. I ran out of metaphors.
I always wonder why people don’t get fed up with Lost because this show cannot possibly end in a way that will satisfactorily answer all the questions it has posed over the years. But I have decided that some television viewers are just very simple people who enjoy stories, even if those stories don’t go anywhere and meander along in the jungle forever. There will always be that one idiot sitting there grinning going “And??? What happens next!?”
One of the earliest mistakes this show made was pretending it had answers for its fandom when it didn’t. The theory that the characters were in some sort of mystical purgatory was introduced by fans early and immediately quashed as ridiculous and “too easy” by producers and writers. Dudes, if you do something well, it will transcend the cliche. Instead, you scoffed and now you have a bunch of actors trying to get off an island. Literally!
I can’t wait for the next DUI from an actor who thought living in Hawaii would be bitchin’, but is now just homesick and ready for it to be over. Dudes. We know. We feel your pain. There’s definitely purgatory, but it’s not the characters who are suffering it. We are.