Goddammit. I was all set to hate Jimmy Fallon. I mean, really hate the hell out of him. I was gonna hate him good.
I knew Conan couldn’t continue to host the late late show forever. But I sort of wished that he could. His absurdist humour was perfect for the time slot and I happen to think super-funny tall, gangly red-heads are hot and I didn’t mind sharing him with others of our ilk, those who “get it.” Conan being on earlier means my parents can watch. And that scared me. They would watch him and be like “This Triumph character. I don’t get it. He just goes around saying he wants to poop on things? Why is that funny?” And then I go “Mooooooommm!” and stomp off to my room in a huff and play the youtube clip where Norm MacDonald tells Courtney Thorne-Smith her movie with Carrot Top should be called Box Office Poison. Except I don’t live with my parents.
I can live with Conan on earlier, I suppose. But asking me to love the guy who is replacing him? No. Especially not when that guy is Jimmy Fallon.
Jimmy Fallon, I thought, when it was announced who would be replacing Conan as the crown prince of Late Night, JIMMY FALLON? The guy who ruined SNL by cracking up in every skit, whether it was funny or not? The guy who made a career (sort of – haha!) out of impersonating Adam Sandler? Great. I give him a month. Tops. This is what I remember thinking.
Well, he still sucks. But last night, he interviewed Mark-Paul Gosselaar. As his Saved By the Bell character, Zack Morris. I should clarify that the awesome thing about this bit is the 100% committment of Mark-Paul Gosselaar to the idea that he is, in fact, Zack Morris. The hair, the high tops, the huge cell phone (555-ZACK) and the time outs. Also, Mark-Paul Gosselaar has apparently aged not a day since Saved By the Bell. And he was so spot-on in this bit, that it actually makes me want to watch Raising the Bar. So I can pretend the character MPG plays is actually being played by Zack Morris. Which, let’s face it, I would have done anyway. If I watched that show. Which I do not. But you know what I’m saying. Kudos, guy. That was really funny and now, I think you’re really awesome. YOU should have your own late night talk show. As Zack Morris, of course.
I can’t get the stupid NBC video to embed with WordPress because I am not a good technological-type, but you can watch it at Entertainment Weekly and marvel over the idea that EW thinks Fallon “does a good time out.”
No. No he does not.
The bad thing about this bit is, without fail (or with it, as the case may be), Jimmy Fallon. He comes so close to laughing in the time out that he might as well have laughed.
I almost want this to have failed. Because in the last week since Conan’s been hosting the new Tonight Show, I’ve been sort of disappointed. I mean, not HUGELY disappointed like I am with Fallon, but just kind of… “Could be better.” Maybe it’s because so many of his guests have just been duds. Like, Gwyneth Paltrow and her I Can’t Believe They’re Not Buttered legs and David “Awkward because he isn’t funny and can’t act and yet still has a career beyond Mulder” Duchovny? What? I want Martha Stewart to guest. I want Jeff Goldblum to guest. Maybe that was the thing that Conan was so great at before. Having really odd guests who were game for pretty much anything. Now he has to suffer lamoids like Duchov and the Goop. (I copyright that title for my upcoming buddy-cop show of the same name! Don’t steal it, cuz I’m mailing that shit to myself!)
Anyway, I will continue to watch Fallon until he has the Saved By the Bell reunion. At which point I will post the video of Jessie Spano on speed and we can all remember a time before Screech was in porn. Then we can go back to hating Fallon and the world will right itself.