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True Blood — We got a timebomb, we got a red alert

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You might be wondering why we don’t have a recap of Sunday’s episode of True Blood up for y’all to read. The answer to that is simple.

It’s because Salome’s head a’sploded when she saw what a huge mess Tara and Eggs made of Gran’s tablecloth when they devoured Maryann’s Souffle au Coeur du Daphne.

Just kidding. Although seriously. Miss Manners suggests that when you eat “hunter’s stew” you should not drip on the table cloth that belonged to the murdered grandmother of your new roommate. She also frowns on letting Maenads into the home in general.

The real reason there’s no recap is that Salome is protesting the ridiculous plot that will not die. AKA, Maryann the Maenad loves orgies. But I couldn’t let it go without commenting that while I think the series has been doing a really good job of adapting Charlaine Harris’ books (in that they have dropped certain stupid plots — like the death of Lafayette — and brought in new ones — Jessica and Hoyt who are still cute, even when discussing the regrowth of a virginal vampire hymen every time they break it) this is just ridiculous.

I thought the plot of Sookie going to the church with a human spy was dumb in the books (Srsly. She doesn’t read his mind for like… a really long time) and it’s dumb here, too, but that’s OK, because it only lasted one episode. The Maenad plot, however, felt long and drawn out (and ended abruptly) in the books and it feels long and drawn out here. And we don’t even get to witness Eric in a body-hugging pink leotard. Sad face is sad now!

But I did like Eric’s fakeout “aw shucks” America accent. And Alexander Skarsgard has chemistry with EVERYBODY. A theory I would like to test out in person. Yum!

I just don’t care about the Maenad! Or Tara or Eggs. And I didn’t care about Daphne either, so I guess it’s no biggie that she got her heart cut out. All I can think is that I want this plot to END. Yeah! We get it! Maryanne feeds off sex and violence. Great. Moving on! Oh, no. There’s more? Why is there more? Maybe they’ll end it much better than the books did. Maybe the way they’re planning on ending it requires that they show us, like, eight or nine orgies. I don’t know. But I’m done.

I can’t believe they let Lafayette live in the series (in the books, it’s his death that prompts Sookie’s involvement with the Maenad plot) 0nly to have him hang around doing stupid shit like read Tara’s fortune. It’s a little silly in the books that Sookie is involved with all these plotlines. In the second book, she goes to Dallas to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun AND solves the mystery behind Lafayette’s death. So I can understand why the series is taking her out of the Maenad plot, but I wonder why then, they expanded on that story. Why does Sam have to go to jail, why does Tara get slapped around, why must we all suffer?

I’m going to have to have Godric put a stop to all this stuff! I like him. The line of the night went to him with “I am actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have met him, but I missed it.” Haha! He was too busy tearing the throats out of Romans to pay a visit to Bethlehem! Let’s all take a moment and reflect on what would’ve happened if Godric HAD met Jesus. OK. Now that you’re all thinking of vampire Jesus . . .

I’m looking forward to everybody figuring out what Godric was up to at the FotS and I wonder what good ol’ Lorena has planned for Bill. Something boring, probably. Lord, he is such a huge stick in the mud! But I’d watch him for the next four weeks if it meant I didn’t have to watch Maryann anymore!

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About Tanis

Badass, smokin' hot and overall nice to come home to.

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