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Lost: I was blind but now I see (that this show sucked)

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So. How about that Lost finale?

There are things this show did well (see first season) and there are things that it did not do so well (see all the rest of the seasons), but I think, in the end, Jacob picked the right guy to look after the island:

But for reals, that was kind of a terrible ending, we thought.

Some good cinematography and technical stuff and a few nice flashbacks to times when things were not terrible (Imaginary peanut butter? Don’t mind if I do!) but generally, it seems like Jack’s line “There are no shortcuts, no do-overs—what happened, happened. All of this matters.” rings kind of false since, you know, they’re all in churchy-heaven. Religion! Solving the world’s problem’s since 1 AD! That kinda blew chunks if you don’t subscribe to that particular world view. And I can’t believe that many of the characters do.

Jack’s father telling him that the time these people spent together was the most important time of their lives was also a “Whaaaaa?” moment. How much time was that? The time they spent on the plane before it went down? Oh, and forget about all the time you spent with Michael and Walt. They aren’t important enough to get into heaven.

Whatever, the worst part of this was the TWO HOUR retrospective that aired beforehand. What a circle jerk! I love how they completely and totally glossed over characters who didn’t make it into the finale. Michael and Walt? Not addressed. Nikki and Paolo? Not addressed  (thank goodness!) I wanted to punch Lindelof and Cuse right in their stupid faces. Mainly because they spent six years swearing up and down that it wasn’t purgatory. Only to come back at the end and be like “PSYCH! It’s purgatory, motherfuckers! Sorta.” And we hate to say it, but: WE TOLD YOU SO!

Look, I have no doubt that Lost was a phenomenon. But as a show, it hasn’t really given the world anything other than frustration. This is not the X-Files, which genuinely scared the shit out of us (Jess still worries about inbred mutants living under her bed, I can’t shower without checking a drain for a fluke-man and I’m pretty sure every time an animal nests in Salome’s attic, she makes extra sure it’s not Tooms.) and delved into what it meant to believe or disbelieve. Nor was it The Sopranos, which changed the face of television and ended on a high note (sung by Journey). It was just a show that had a good idea that didn’t really stand up to six seasons of television.

That said, this show would have been a STELLAR miniseries. But somebody (ABC) got greedy and asked them to make it into a show instead and suddenly, it was like “Oh shit! How do we drag this out for five seasons?” Try six, hombre. You do so by constantly introducing new characters who aren’t important, but you tell the audience they are (Nikki and Paolo!), by introducing time travel (Hey brother! Oh, hai Desmond.), and flash forwards (We have to go BACK to the island!), and alternate timelines (Sayid Jarrah IS MacGruber! Sawyer IS a renegade cop who can’t keep his shirt on!) and ghost busters (Bustin’ makes Myles feel gooood!) and shit.

I’m not trying to say that people who enjoyed the finale were wrong (you’re wrong) but that for me, it was deeply unsatisfying and patronizing and kind of slapdash. Basically, it was two hours of people yelling “WHAT’S HAPPENING!?” followed by somebody else shouting “TRUST ME!” Which is, perhaps the perfect summation of this show.

Bye Lost! It was nice hating you!

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About Tanis

Badass, smokin' hot and overall nice to come home to.

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