And we’re back, smack dab in the middle of Sookie’s scream. After getting that out of her system, she asks to be alone with Bill and then washes him right out of her hair. This scene with Bill got on my nerves, to say the least. To say the most, I said, “Oh, fuck you, Sookie” during it. First of all, stop acting like you’ve been tortured oh-so-very-long. It’s been a few months at best since the whole thing started. Second, you are mad at him because of all the interferences to your grand and abiding love? Not the fact that he, you know, KEPT A DOSSIER on you?! Right.
Talbot’s mood is not improved by finding out that Russell killed the Magister, but before they can really get into it, Eric interrupts to tell Russell that there’s a “werebitch” in his study. It is, of course, Debbie.
Everyone’s in a mood tonight. Debbie wants Sookie dead, Russell wants her for the war, and Eric wants her. That’s it. That’s the end of that statement. Russell questions whether he can trust Eric, because after all, Eric was so quick to abandon his Queen. Eric is all, “I’ve been searching for you for 1000 years…to lead me.” Nice save.
Meanwhile, Bill is releasing Jessica and oh, fuck you, Bill. Again, it’s been MONTHS. And in Jessica’s case, probably mere weeks. She is too young (in human and vampire age) to be let loose in the world.
Sookie roots around in Jason’s head (“Shut up, brain–stop thinking, she’s gonna find out”) and realizes that something’s up, which makes Jason storm off. Upstairs, Tara is being comforted by Lafayette, whom she reassures that she no longer has a death wish, having been confronted with the real possibility of her death.
Wait a minute, nevermind. “You know what you sound like? One of those sad country songs about dumb bitches who let their men cheat and beat on ‘em all for the sake of true love!” Tara, that is no country song ever.
It seems our lady Crystal has escaped Hotshot, even if she had to swim. She wants Jason’s truck and he wants answers. Before she gives them, she embarks on the Tanis Fowler recovery plan (a towel and some whiskey). Meanwhile, Arlene took the bull by the horns and hired Merlotte’s a new waitress. Start placing your bets as to what’s up with her. (Your choices include: were, witch, maenad, fairy, Santa Claus, et al.)
Post-towel and whiskey: Crystal’s been promised to her fiancé Felton since she was 4. Charming. Jason wonders if Hotshot is home to some kind of cult, like the FotS, which “washed my brain.” Crystal sidesteps that question, but she does mention that she got knocked around after she told Felton that she wasn’t going to marry him. She still wants Jason’s truck. He tells her that if she wants to go, he’ll drive her anywhere she wants to go.
It turns out that a new nurse left Ruby Jean unattended in the clinic garden, which RJ took as an opportunity to abscond. And oh, lookit that! While you two were too busy jawing about your relationship, Ruby Jean’s found her a butcher knife and she aims to protect her boy, whom she says has “power.” “That’s why they’re coming.”
Speak of the devil, she’s at home, where Alcide is getting a message from his relative–specifically Janice, who’s calling to tell him that the were gang burned down her salon. The long story short is that Alcide has to go and thus, leave Sookie. He tries to get her to come along, but you can’t live scared and you can’t live running. You can live pressed up against werewolves, though. I recommend it.
Oh, by the way. I’ve pored over every frame of this show for the last two seasons (and was a regular viewer of season one). Don’t think you can just slip in a new employee at Merlotte’s and expect me not to notice.
As you can see, Hoyt has just come in. He wants to know where Jessica is and Tommy helpfully tells him that Jessica’s out of Hoyt’s league. This escalates to a gentleman’s agreement to take this shit outside, which Sam has to put the kibosh on.
Back in his office, Sam tells Tommy that life ain’t just one big fight (who says?!) and to start thinking about the good things he wants to do with his life. Like college, f’rinstance. But it doesn’t seem like college is Tommy’s dream.
Jessica doesn’t understand why Bill isn’t with Sookie because although Sookie “screwed up the proposal,” she spent all that time and effort trying to find Bill. Bill tells Jessica that it’s over between him and Sookie. Jessica: “No way.”
Hadley runs out the door, but not before Sookie picks up Hadley’s thought about telling what Sookie was. Meanwhile in Jackson, Talbot is angry about Russell’s leaving again. “Oh, poor Talbot–are your diamond shoes chafing?”
All it takes is Russell saying he’s jealous to seal the deal. Russell slips out and Eric replaces his father’s crown. At Jason’s, he gets Crystal to slip into the shower while he promises to return quickly with some food. Hon, you know this ain’t Oregon Trail, right?
Hotshot’s answer to the McPoyle brothers shows up at Merlotte’s looking for Crystal and to tell us that “fuckmouth” is today’s entry on our word-of-the-day calendar. Also, is it weird that this was the second time Sunday that the topic of feeding people to hogs came up? What if I told you that the first time was in a conversation with my mother?
Sam and Tommy get the Norrises to leave, after which they confirm to each other that they’d smelled the same thing on Hotshot’s finest. And by Felton’s “down, boy” comment to Tommy, it seems like the Norrises realize what Tommy and Sam are.
At Lafayette’s, Jesus brings up what Ruby Jean said about L’s power. “When I was five years old, that woman told me I could breathe underwater. My little ass almost drowned. So no, boyfriend…I don’t listen to most of what come out of her mouth.”
Then Jesus starts talking about the drug-dealing and how Lafayette shouldn’t do it because of all of the energy around him and okay, what the fuck is Lafayette? Is he a magical mystery being as well? Is anyone in Bon Temps just a civilian? Anyway, this conversation ends in this. Fuck my questions!
Upon backing slowly out of the garage where this guy is, Jason finds Calvin. Jason, your jeans are so tight. Anyway, Jason threatens Calvin, telling him that if the Norrises don’t stay away from Crystal, the sheriff’s department will be coming after them. “You feel me?” Jason asks. Calvin’s esprit d’escalier kicks in: “Oh, yeah. I feel you, boy.” He feels you all the way over to Kirk Douglas’s house!
Right about now is when Sookie should be racking and firing that shotgun but why have a plan that makes sense? So fighting happens. And Debbie, let me say, your hair is much cuter when you comb down the bangs.
When Bill demurs, Russell feeds on my precious baby vampire. You monster! Then he throws her to Gus the wolf, but Jessica runs off, too quick for Gus. Not quick enough is Bill, who’s burned by Russell’s silver spurs.
That was all subterfuge so Eric could stake Talbot, by the way. (“Russell took my family. Now I take his.”) Russell knows immediately that Talbot is gone, of course, and he flies off, leaving Bill alone.