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“I Smell A Rat,” True Blood: In Pictures

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[via mrgolightly]

First of all, congratulations to Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, who were married Saturday night. We wish them a very happy future. Meanwhile in their fictional lives, it seems that we may be done with the past, but as the poet said, the past isn’t done with us. So let’s look back after the jump…

And like I said last week, you’d have to tune in this week to find out with Sookie what she is. And she is a fairy. And if it isn’t one thing, it’s a motherfuckin’ other, because now Sookie not only has to worry about people wanting to use her for her telepathic powers, but also has to worry about vampires, who find fairy blood delicious. “How fucking lame,” Sookie says.

Out back of Merlotte’s, over the gooey remains of Franklin, Jason has flashbacks to killing Eggs and Eddie (the latter being the vamp he killed in the first season). Tara quickly takes control and has Jason bring the truck around, while she works on burying what’s left of Franklin. “I hope you burn in hell,” she says, as she spits on the impromptu burial site.

Instead of continuing the twenty miles to the hospital, Lafayette stops by his house, believing that Calvin would never survive the trip. He says he’s got another plan. What could it V now?

Sam’s back in his trailer, where he has a shouty flashback to 2003, when he was apparently into jewel thieving.

And also, this girl. Where have I seen this girl before? Anyway, she and her beau were running a con on Sam the thief.

Back at Fairy History Storytime Hour, Bill is telling Sookie that according to legend, “fairy blood is delectable and intoxicating to vampires.” Sookie smells of freesia and get out of here, Nedward Nullen. Sookie is worried that Bill only loves her for her tasty blood, but he swears otherwise.

At Fangtasia, Eric is writing out his will. Pam–excuse me, Pamela Swinford de Beaufort–gets everything. She ain’t happy about it, though, because she’s afraid that Eric isn’t even going to fight. And Ivetta’s mad because Eric’s leaving everything to Pam. Everybody hates Eric.


Sounds like a deal! Back in Bon Temps, Lafayette heals Calvin with V, but Mr. Norris is less than grateful. He tells Crystal that Jason, THAT HUMAN, won’t be interested once he finds out what Crystal really is. He also tells her that it’s her “duty to mate with Felton.” Gross.

Hate crimes against vampires have suddenly risen. And they don’t even want to build a community center!

Speaking of art imitating life: “Russell Edgington is an extremist and a terrorist. But that’s not because he’s a vampire. It’s because he’s an extremist and a terrorist.”

Eric shows up at Jason’s house to tell Bill that he knows what Sookie is. He also points out that Sookie’s blood protects vamps, or Bill, at least, from sunlight. Apparently, that’s why Sophie-Anne wanted her. It’s not hard to see the wheels turning in Eric’s head, either–I’ll bet this Sookie’s blood as sunscreen thing becomes part of Eric’s plan to kill Russell.

Sookie wakes up from her nap to tell Eric that she knows why he wants her and he’s never gonna get it, never gonna get it. He emos off, but not before wishing her the best.

Reverend Newlin was upset to hear about the murder Russell committed.

While Jessica is forging an uneasy truce with Arlene at Merlotte’s…

And getting hit on by Tommy, Summer is telling “Bear” that she’s ready for love.

Tara and Jason arrive at Jason’s after their Franklin-killing adventure to find Bill and Sookie. While Bill has a word with Jason outside (about being prepared to kill werewolves), Tara tells Sookie what Franklin did to her.

Jesus wants to try V with Lafayette. Apparently old Jesus is a shaman. He tells Lafayette that L also has the potential–“all you need is a little push.” People who say that always have your best interests in mind.

A Special Forces raid on Russell’s house turned up nothing but an empty mansion.

And by the way, if you guessed “witch” for Holly, you are correct! We find this out when Holly tries to give Sam some black cohosh for his “rage.” We then learn that the bar has two rules–no dancing and no religion–but we don’t find out why Holly is trying to give Sam a plant that is used mostly for gynecological problems.

Tommy doesn’t understand why Sam told everyone that Calvin lived, because he was getting respect. Sam points out that fear is not respect.

Maybe it’s seeing Sam tell the truth, but for some reason, Arlene breaks down in tears out back and tells Terry that he’s not the baby’s father.

Terry, who is always The Best, tells Arlene that he wants to marry her and raise the baby as his own.

In the middle of talking about what happened with Franklin, Jason tells Sookie that he shot Eggs.

Jesus and Lafayette are taking a trip through their family histories, courtesy of V. First stop, Jesus’s abuela. She seems nice.

Next up we meet a couple of Lafayette’s great-greats, May and Winnie. They were both conjurers. And that is a Lafayette face if I ever saw one.

Finally, we drop in on Jesus’s abuelo, who was into a way darker magic than Jesus’s abuela or Lafayette’s ancestors.

And with a roar from Jesus’s abuelo and a scream from Lafayette, we’re back. “That was fuckin’ awesome,” Jesus says. Lafayette makes this face.

Sookie is having much better dreams. In hers, Eric tells her again that she can’t trust Bill. In between kissing her.

Speaking of kissing, that’s what happens when Jason goes in to check on Tara. Crying and gratefulness and then this. Oh and then he tells her that he shot Eggs and she runs out of the house.

And while it’s daytime at Jason’s, it’s evening at Bill’s, because Jessica is waking up…just in time to see a burning cross on the front lawn.

Meanwhile, Sam is taking a drinking tour of the woods that turns into a flashback of what happened after that girl I can’t place and her boyfriend stole his jewels. He accidentally shot the girl dead and then not so accidentally shot her boyfriend. And that’s how he got the money to open Merlotte’s! What a great story–I hope that’s in Merlotte’s “About Us.”

Sookie goes to see Eric and more kissing happens, only this time it’s less it-was-all-a-dream.

But c’mon here–not kissing her before the true death would be his biggest regret? Not, you know, avenging his family’s death? Get the fuck on outta here with that. And PS: Everyone stop saying “the true death.” Meanwhile, below my spirit animal interrupts: “Blah blah vampire emergency blah.” I love you.

The emergency, as it goes, is Pam’s demanding that Eric find a way to use Sookie against Russell if he won’t just toss her over the fugitive King.

And speak of the devil, he’s found himself a dirt version of Talbot. Or if you prefer, the non-union equivalent of Russell Brand.

Don’t act like you don’t see it. By the way, he’s still toting Talbot around in my grandma’s candy dish. Elsewhere, Arlene is asking Holly about those other ways to stop a pregnancy that Holly alluded to in the last episode and Hoyt is making a play for Jessica.

After Hoyt thinks Jessica’s rejected him, he leaves, only to be taunted by Tommy on his way through the parking lot. Hoyt slugs Tommy almost reflexively, which of course, is a bad idea. Bad dog!

Having heard the commotion, Jessica rushes out to save Hoyt, who’s got a nasty bleeding arm. He balks at drinking her blood until she tells him that she loves him, too.

Jason has had just about enough of the world’s bullshit within the past two days, so when Bill shows up bitching at him about not keeping watch on Sookie, Jason rescinds the vampire’s invitation.

After taking care of that, Jason hears a crash from another room, which he runs to investigate because he’s never seen any horror movies ever. He finds this:

…which after a few seconds, turns into this:

And if you thought Russell had wholesome plans for that boy he picked up, think again.

It turns out that he was using him as a surrogate to say a proper goodbye to Talbot.

And we still don’t know if Bill can be trusted, but this is what happens when you trust Eric.


About Salome G

Raised by werewolves.

2 responses »

  1. “And also, this girl. Where have I seen this girl before? Anyway, she and her beau were running a con on Sam the thief.”

    I was also wondering ‘where have i seen her before’ which is how i ended up here. Anyway, to answer that question: She is Arielle Kebbel – The Uninvited, John Tucker Must Die, American Pie Presents: Band Camp, and MAXIM.

    • Thanks for commenting! Yeah, I think I figured out after writing this that I knew her from a single episode of The Vampire Diaries, but she’s been in a ton of stuff. She’s what Fametracker used to call a “Hey! It’s That Guy!” (or girl, in this case).


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