First of all, congratulations to Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, who were married Saturday night. We wish them a very happy future. Meanwhile in their fictional lives, it seems that we may be done with the past, but as the poet said, the past isn’t done with us. So let’s look back after the jump…
And like I said last week, you’d have to tune in this week to find out with Sookie what she is. And she is a fairy. And if it isn’t one thing, it’s a motherfuckin’ other, because now Sookie not only has to worry about people wanting to use her for her telepathic powers, but also has to worry about vampires, who find fairy blood delicious. “How fucking lame,” Sookie says.
Out back of Merlotte’s, over the gooey remains of Franklin, Jason has flashbacks to killing Eggs and Eddie (the latter being the vamp he killed in the first season). Tara quickly takes control and has Jason bring the truck around, while she works on burying what’s left of Franklin. “I hope you burn in hell,” she says, as she spits on the impromptu burial site.
Back at Fairy History Storytime Hour, Bill is telling Sookie that according to legend, “fairy blood is delectable and intoxicating to vampires.” Sookie smells of freesia and get out of here, Nedward Nullen. Sookie is worried that Bill only loves her for her tasty blood, but he swears otherwise.
At Fangtasia, Eric is writing out his will. Pam–excuse me, Pamela Swinford de Beaufort–gets everything. She ain’t happy about it, though, because she’s afraid that Eric isn’t even going to fight. And Ivetta’s mad because Eric’s leaving everything to Pam. Everybody hates Eric.
Sounds like a deal! Back in Bon Temps, Lafayette heals Calvin with V, but Mr. Norris is less than grateful. He tells Crystal that Jason, THAT HUMAN, won’t be interested once he finds out what Crystal really is. He also tells her that it’s her “duty to mate with Felton.” Gross.
Eric shows up at Jason’s house to tell Bill that he knows what Sookie is. He also points out that Sookie’s blood protects vamps, or Bill, at least, from sunlight. Apparently, that’s why Sophie-Anne wanted her. It’s not hard to see the wheels turning in Eric’s head, either–I’ll bet this Sookie’s blood as sunscreen thing becomes part of Eric’s plan to kill Russell.
Tara and Jason arrive at Jason’s after their Franklin-killing adventure to find Bill and Sookie. While Bill has a word with Jason outside (about being prepared to kill werewolves), Tara tells Sookie what Franklin did to her.
Jesus wants to try V with Lafayette. Apparently old Jesus is a shaman. He tells Lafayette that L also has the potential–“all you need is a little push.” People who say that always have your best interests in mind.
And by the way, if you guessed “witch” for Holly, you are correct! We find this out when Holly tries to give Sam some black cohosh for his “rage.” We then learn that the bar has two rules–no dancing and no religion–but we don’t find out why Holly is trying to give Sam a plant that is used mostly for gynecological problems.
Meanwhile, Sam is taking a drinking tour of the woods that turns into a flashback of what happened after that girl I can’t place and her boyfriend stole his jewels. He accidentally shot the girl dead and then not so accidentally shot her boyfriend. And that’s how he got the money to open Merlotte’s! What a great story–I hope that’s in Merlotte’s “About Us.”
But c’mon here–not kissing her before the true death would be his biggest regret? Not, you know, avenging his family’s death? Get the fuck on outta here with that. And PS: Everyone stop saying “the true death.” Meanwhile, below my spirit animal interrupts: “Blah blah vampire emergency blah.” I love you.
Don’t act like you don’t see it. By the way, he’s still toting Talbot around in my grandma’s candy dish. Elsewhere, Arlene is asking Holly about those other ways to stop a pregnancy that Holly alluded to in the last episode and Hoyt is making a play for Jessica.