So I didn’t get around to doing this last week and it kind of shows that I didn’t give a care about this episode, which is not very cleverly titled FURT. They missed the obvious KINN/KIN portmanteau/pun, but came so close to the obvious FART reality:
So this is going to be a speed recap. Ready? Here we go:
Kurt’s dad and Finn’s mom announce that they’re getting married. Kurt can’t wait to plan the wedding, but Finn isn’t so enthused. Kurt volunteers Nude Erections to perform at the wedding. Sam promises to one day move heavy stuff around for Quinn and offers her a promise ring. Sue marries herself and her mom (Carole Burnett) comes to visit and disapproves of the whole thing. (Let’s all take a moment and bow our heads in recognition of how utterly wasted Carole Burnett was. Good idea, Glee. Terrible follow through. I feel very sorry that she had to be a part of an episode so hideous.
But it’s time to learn another very important lesson about bullying. Finn doesn’t really want to sully his reputation by standing up for his soon-to-be step brother when the football bullies bully, but Mike Chang has no problem doing that. Like a boss. Also, despite having him miss every single football related scene this season, the Glee writers decide that they need Mike Chang to be on the football team this episode, so he is. Duh. But Karofsky shoves Mike Chang, who knocks Artie over, and at that point, Sam steps into the fray and the bully punches him in the face. VIOLENCE! Everybody looks at Sam like he’s a leader now and that’s just how he wants it for some reason. Finn is all butthurt over that because HE’S the leader, guys! HE IS! Burt and Carole get married, but everybody makes the wedding about Kurt. The vows are about Kurt, Finn’s speech is about Kurt and ultimately, I assume the honeymoon is ruined by Kurt. Finn sings to him or something? Good job. Really stepping up where nobody can see you, Finn. That’s when it matters. Kurt thanks them by transferring to Dalton Academy so as to avoid the bully who loves and hates him at the same time. Rachel is all “So you’re our only competition?” Everybody booooooos her, as they should. There is a serious lack of Mike Chang’s abs. The end.
I hated everything this episode chose to be. I hated the songs, I hated the plots, I hated everything except for, as usual, Mike Chang and Brittany. They are the best. Burt and Carole were great when they weren’t extolling the virtues of Kurt. They really sold the whole middle-aged love is the greatest love of all thing. I also didn’t hate Sue’s floor-length Adidas track suit wedding dress. That was pretty sweet. As is her dating profile on eDesperate. I am updating my own online dating profile on eDesperate to read the same, as I am very passionate about poking the elderly with hidden pins. I also love random capitalization.
Also, in this episode, Sue is still the principal. When Kurt goes to her about the bully situation, he tells her it bothers him that she calls him Lady.
“I’m sorry, I thought that was your name. As an apology, I’ll allow you to choose from the following nicknames: Gelfling, Porcelain and Tickle Me Doe/Dough Face.”
“I guess I’ll go with Porcelain.”
“Damn. I wanted Tickle Me Doe/Dough Face.”
And that’s that.
Sorry I was so late with this, you guys. Let’s blame American Thanksgiving, shall we? I mean, even though REAL Thanksgiving (as voted on by two of the three writers for this blog) was more than a month ago.
I promise to get the review up for last night’s episode, which was better, but still not as good as the Goop’s episode.