Oh, Mike Chang!
We ALL want that for Christmas.
My Christmas gift to myself is that I’m not reviewing last week’s episode of Glee, which was dumb and stupid anyway. (Seriously. Kurt has to look after a canary that won’t sing because it’s moulting a new bunch of feathers to be even more fabulous at its new school? I heard you like metaphors, so I put a bird in a cage so you can vomit while you sing. One more thing and then I swear I will continue to not review that episode: Tina is convinced Mike is cheating on her with Brittany because she kissed him and he tasted like Lip Smackers, which Brittany uses. Brittany reveals to Artie that she never cheated on him with Mike. Tina doesn’t witness this, but she does make up with Mike and tells him she’s sorry she doubted him. But they never explain the Lip Smackers thing. So I am left to surmise that Mike just likes Lip Smackers. Yup. That is not lazy writing at all.)
This week was pretty good, mostly because Sue and Becky do a little How The Sue Stole Christmas routine with Becky as Max and Sue as the Grinch and Brittany as Cindy Lou Who. And Jane Lynch is actually quite a good singer.
Also, Lauren Zizes is pretty awesome. I loved her exchange with Sue about her hat and her asking Santa for Puck to be into her because he’s fine.
Also, Last Christmas is the WORST. So it is only fitting that Finn and Rachel sing it. I have literally heard every version of that song ever performed and this added nothing to it. Nothing. Kurt and Blaine’s Baby It’s Cold Outside was pretty good, The Most Wonderful Day of the Year (which you probably know as The Island of Misfit Toys) was a fitting group song for these gleetards and blessed be, they passed up a perfect opportunity for Schue to rap Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses. Or Christmas in Hollis. He’s busy being emo about Emma getting married to Dr. Uncle Jesse, the finest dentist West of the Allegheny. Whatever, you sad sack. Man up and stop moping around your students who aren’t even your students. “Oh, hai, Kurt. I just drove all the way to your private all boys school to ask you inappropriate questions like “Special friend? Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, knowwhatImean?”
Also, the Artie Walks For Christmas plot was sweet (mostly because of Brittany) and I liked Coach Bieste’s Santa (“On dry runs Santy uses the Isuzu.”) and Brittany asking Santa to make sure the gleetards don’t get slushied. (Poor Mike Chang is pretty sure they just put food colouring in slush from the parking lot.)
Also, I was a full-on club nerd in high school (I was in everything) and even I would have made fun of a show choir carolling during class.
Also, is it just me, or is Mercedes getting ZERO lines this season besides “I sure love food!” Now that Lauren Zizes is eating all the food (fat people be eatin’!) they don’t even need her for that. Yuck, Glee.
OK. That’s all I can bring myself to write about this shit show. Let’s pretend that it was cancelled and Terriers was renewed for multiple seasons instead of the other way around. OK, guys? Ready? Start pretending in 3, 2, 1…