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Category Archives: Actors we’d bone

My name’s pronounced RICHARDE.

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Everybody’s favourite stupid surfer-dude actor from Veronica Mars and Party Down, Ryan Hansen, has scored the lead in a new NBC pilot, Lovelives.¬†According to the article behind that link, Hansen will play Tim,¬†“an attractive and smart professor of literature at Fordham University.”

Sooo…. they’re casting against type, then? Don’t get us wrong, we loved Ryan as rich, dumb dude Dick Casablancas on Veronica Mars and he was super effective in Party Down, too. But… well, this:

Cassidy splashes Logan and Dick while swimming in the Casablancas pool.
Dick Casablancas: “Don’t make me go all ‘Ordinary People’ on you, Beav.”
Cassidy ‘Beaver’ Casablancas: “The older brother drowns, dumbass.”

And also:

Dick Casablancas: “So what… You’re just going to mope around like the guy in… What’s that book when the guy’s mom dies and he comes back to Jersey? And he’s got that motorcycle sidecar?”
Logan Echolls: “Garden State was never a book.”
Dick Casablancas: “It wasn’t? Oops… So much for that paper.”

Professor of Literature, Dick Casablancas, everybody.

Man, I miss Veronica Mars.

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Dr. Horrible, you make good Emmys

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We here at the Boob love Neil Patrick Harris. And it is a Goddamn shame that he lost his Emmy to Jon Cryer. The landmark Doogie V. Duckie fight may have technically be won by Cryer, but we assure you friends, it is a mere battle in a war and we think we all know how this war will end. CBS didn’t call up Cryer and ask him to host and produce the Emmys. You know why? Because Jon Cryer is comedy poison. Not like Charlie Sheen is, but you know. Unless Cryer wears a full-body condom when filming scenes, he probably contracted a disease from Sheen that has left him impotent. In the humour department. Boo yah!

In other news, we would like Nathan Fillion and Neil Patrick Harris to host next year’s Emmy Awards as Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer. Please see below for how to: be funny, make television seem lame, promote a web series that helping dig network TV’s grave, display impeccable comic timing, shine a spotlight on two incredibly sexy and funny men without even having them make out a little bit. More’s the pity.

Memo to future Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog writers: Make that kissing thing happen. Or else.

***

Nothing else of note happened at The Emmys, except for how David Simon cut a bitch for giving all those mini-series Emmys to Little Dorrit instead of Generation Kill. Gee guys, the least you can do is let him win one for Treme next year. If you don’t, we will travel to where you are, burn down The Emmys and salt the earth so that nothing may grow. DIG?

It’s do-o’-clock. Let’s ride.

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Here’s a little truth nugget for you: Neil Patrick Harris is Boob Tube’s number one gay celebrity we all have a crush on.

WWNPHD?

WWNPHD?

He is truly a magnificent bastard as the scene-stealing man whore Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother.

His sense of humour is legend-wait for it-dary, as we can attest from repeated viewings of both Harold and Kumar movies.

He made us laugh and cry as Dr. Horrible in Joss Whedon’s web show Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog.

And who knew that Doogie Howser would grow up to be sooooooooo good lookin’? Well, me. Circa 1991.

Speaking as a female, I just want to say, Neil? Are you SURE you’re gay? Like, positive? OK. Just checking. If you change your mind, we are all available. Ahem.

ANYWAY.

According to my hated nemesis Ausiello, Harris will be hosting the Emmys this year. Thank you, baby Jesus!

While we are dedicated blogging professionals who watch the Emmys every year no matter who hosts, this is almost certainly a guarantee that we will ENJOY the broadcast for the first time since Conan hosted.

We will ESPECIALLY enjoy it if NPH can arrange a repeat of Brett Michaels being knocked out by a stage prop like at the Tonys. Man, you really can’t see enough of that, so here it is in slow-mo with some commentary by NPH at the end.

We reach a logical conclusion: We’d fuck those Starfleet cadets

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Never before have two mean girls been faced with such a stunning array of options for moviegoing entertainment. Jess and Tanis made the pilgrimage to the movie theatre in the middle of nowhere and were faced with a tough decision: Do they see a movie with hot dudes a plenty (in space), the Goddamn Batman yelling and saving mankind from killing robots (again), or Robert “Get me to a library!” Langdon with a side of Ewan “Father Hotpants” McGregor.

It was a tough call, but hot dudes doin’ stuff won out. Again. This time, they’re in space! And Iowa. Please, read on for a brief discussion of the movie and other things like our assessment of people who think Angels & Demons is good.

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SHILOH FERNANDEZ.

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Uh, Ryan Hansen and Brittany Snow are also in the picture, from the backdoor pilot for Lily.

Deep Revelation, Having A Real Moment.

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In case you were wondering why we love Supernatural so, here’s one of many reasons why:

That’s from last season’s “Long Distance Call.” And after the jump, the transcript from what the actors on the TV Dean flips on said [RETROACTIVE SPOILERS!]:

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Now that I’m hooked on Dollhouse, it will be cancelled. Just watch.

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I’ve got to hand it to Joss Whedon. He knows exactly what I want.

1) Strong, ass-kicking chicks.

2) Hot dudes takin’ their shirts off and beating the shit out of people.

3) Hot nerds.

4) Character actors from my favourite shows.

5) A new entry in the Buffy Season 8 comic book series featuring Giles and Faith, my new favourite team. Coming this week. I will be at my local comic book store with bells on.

So yeah. The first five episodes of Dollhouse were balls out boring. It was like being dropped in the middle of a world I knew nothing about and having to feel my way around and really, really not liking what I was touching out there in the dark.

I mean, it was like “Faith is a negotiator. Faith is being hunted. Faith is a backup singer. Faith is a sex object. Faith is blind.” At that point, I was like “Holy shit balls, Batman! This is not good and there is not NEARLY enough shirtless dude action to keep my attention!” Especially when one of said dudes is Tahmoh Penikett. A couple weeks ago, I said to myself, I said “We are in a dire situation here. Battlestar Galactica is done. That means no more shirtless Helo. We must make do with what we have. And right now, all I have is Dollhouse. And he’s on it. And his shirt could be on it less.” So I willed it to get better faster.

And then it did.

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